Nice work if you can get it.
Nice work if you can get it.
Social Institutions: Dating, Public
Social Systems: Patriarchy
I have a girlfriend. Men seem to think that it’s because of them.
I’m single. Men seem to think that it’s because of them.
I’m in a relationship. Men seem to think that it’s because of them.
I cannot count the number of times that my public displays of affection towards my girlfriend were conspicuously spied on by strangers… men. They make comments that attack and/or ignore the validity of my relationship with her. Some men seem to think that lesbian relationships are created as entertainment for them.
On the flip side, my ex-boyfriend was convinced that my sexual interest in women was as a result of his sexual inadequacies. I told him that this was not the case, but he was not interested in believing that my sexuality had absolutely nothing to do with him.
When i was not in a relationship, i was often asked the question of why. My answer, that i just did not want one, was never accepted as truth. Guys would assume that i’d been hurt by a guy before or that my father was to blame. I couldn’t just desire to enjoy my independence. They believed that i was attractive enough for a guy to want and so something had to be wrong for me to be single. If I was single, it was because i was crazy, bitter, or in need of a “good man” to show me the way.
When i was in a relationship with my ex, he congratulated himself frequently on “getting me” and “convincing me” to be with him. This angered me as a woman who has never wanted to engage in the passive aggressive approach taught to me by other women in my life. I was assertive in pursuit of him and from my point of view, he seemed to enjoy being chased. This did not bother me as nontraditional relationships somehow appeal to me. Still, even though his actions were minor and mine were plentiful, he was praised by his male friends for accomplishing a goal. He praised himself for accomplishing a goal. To everyone except me, I was essentially in a relationship with him because of what HE did to me, the passive receptacle.
Patriarchy functions here as women are placed in the othered category. Men are seen as the doers while women are seen as those being done to. In my examples, women, no matter how little they conform to ideals, are viewed as subhuman. A woman is not usually seen as someone to be affected by. And if men are not affected by women, then how can equality exist? When the immovable exists with the movable inequality will reign as the wants and needs of the immovable will always come in first place.
Well. I see many women, if not in a full relationship, “talking” to guys. It seems relationships are important…so I guess there is a wonder why be voluntarily single. I assume a woman wants to be with me because she genuinely likes me; not because of convincing or whatever. I learned there are plenty of reasons not to date. This is a good read.
Recently, The Heritage Foundation released a report on poverty in American, largely trying to debunk the idea that poor people are poor. They included facts like the majority of people living in poverty have refrigerators, microwaves, and air conditioners. Never mind these things might be attached to a rental unit of some kind… it’s not like those items listed are big-ticket items, particularly when bought used.
I met a family the other day who, according to the Heritage Foundation, is living in the lap of luxury. I’ll let you folks make up your minds.
I was at the Salvation Army last week and was looking at the appliances. There was an older microwave for $5. A woman in front of me (I’ll call her Ann) at the register bought the microwave and was telling her kids they’d get microwave popcorn again. It looked like that $5 microwave made those kids’ day. Now, that microwave would have been included in The Heritage Foundation’s analysis because she also receives WIC, and Heritage Foundation is especially interested in those receiving federal benefits.
I know she receives WIC, because she asked me if all the grocery stores in town took it. Ann just moved here about three weeks ago and was staying with a friend who was now in the process of moving away. I talked to her for about half an hour outside the store. She asked if I knew which hotel was the cheapest and cleanest, because she couldn’t afford the rent here (college is about to start, so the cheapest rentals are gone) and she’s on a list for a housing voucher.
I helped her put a suitcase on a luggage rack on the top of her car to make room for the microwave in her trunk. She mentioned she was glad to have a place to work and, she hoped, a place to live. I asked where she moved from. She said Denver, and that she and her kids were living in their car for a few months (in the midst of a heat wave) because her landlord kicked her out and she had nowhere to go. Ann said she never signed a lease and the landlord evicted her with just a few hours notice because her two-year-old was too noisy. She was afraid to go for DFS for help because she thought they’d take the kids, what with them living in the car. She interviewed for a job at a fast food place here about a week ago and starts this Monday. She’d been out of work for about 5 months when she moved up here.
I gave her the phone numbers for every community resource I could think of, pointed her towards the hotels I knew were cheap and clean, and offered to help in any way I could. Ann said that I’d helped, that she already knew how to get along the best she could, and that “being poor takes skills you don’t know you have ‘til you need them.”
But according to Heritage Foundation, she’s not poor. She and her 3 kids are living in a hotel here that has a fridge, a queen bed (or two), a $5 microwave she bought, and she’s living in the lap of luxury (as defined by them)? I don’t think so. Their report exemplifies what I (and others) call “Poor people can’t have nice things.” Basically, if you have a very basic amenity, like a microwave, you’re obviously not poor. Apparently, being poor involves some kind of “noble suffering” and if you aren’t suffering Oliver Twist-style, you aren’t poor.
I can see Ann and her kids were struggling. But that’s seemingly not “low” enough for folks at the Heritage Foundation. I don’t care what “amenities” people in poverty supposedly have - to me, one person being one paycheck away from homelessness or food insecurity is one too many. One in seven Americans currently rely on food stamps to eat. And never mind those folks trying to subsist on the goodwill of others and/or unemployment. I’m not going to quibble about a cell phone or a television.
I hope she’s doing alright, the job works out, and the kids get microwave popcorn.
I get this shit all the time. I am poor and on unemployment. Some people would be aghast to find out that I have internet and a smartphone, but in today’s world (and the industry I am currently unemployed from) those things are not luxuries, but necessities.
As a side note, does anyone else ever notice that these right wing groups always pick innocuous-sounding names? “Focus on the Family”, “Heritage Foundation”, etc. George Orwell must be rolling in his grave.
I swearfolawd these people think that “poor” = less than human/not worthy of decent life. Its the same reason they are so incensed about EVERYONE having access to something basic like affordable health care. The NERVE of these poor people wanting to be able to see doctors and get treated. How DARE they?
They make me sick.
Wow! Poor people have refrigerators!? 0_o Is that a surprise? The idea of poverty needs to be reevaluated…